History has never been my favorite subject, so this section will be brief. I hope you will read carefully and thoughtfully this short glimpse into the History of Dating.
Courtship, or dating, as we know it today is a fairly new phenomenon. Before about 1200 dating did not exist. All marriages were prearranged by the parents and the children had little or no say in the selection of their mate. If the parents so desired they could consult the son or daughter, but they certainly were not required to do so. (See Genesis 24 for one example from Scripture of this kind of set up and the book of Ruth for another.)
Marriage for the sake of "love" was simply not a matter of consideration. Marriages were "arranged" by parents for things like lineage (that means parents or ancestors), money (sounds familiar), property (considered of much more importance then than now), or just as a simple convenience or favor (for the parents).
Our old friend Shakespeare popularized many thoughts and feelings about love in the 1600's. This was about the same time as the King James version of the Bible was translated. These sonnets and poems about love are still widely quoted when the chemistry of love begins to flow.
Because of the fairly recent development of dating in man's history, the Bible does not speak directly on the subject, mainly because the practice simply didn't exist in the days of the writing of the Scripture. However, people did have the same kinds of problems and the Bible speaks rather plainly on principles of relationships and that is one of the primary things that takes place on a date - a relationship.
Some say we have made progress in this area. Perhaps so, but there are also many new dangers. Today, we must remember that marriage is a commitment to a person not a contract for convenience. Biblical standards for marriage have not changed, even though the person (or people) responsible for arranging the marriage may have changed. God's purpose and intention for marriage is still the same and will never change because it is based on the unchanging character of God.
Consider where your heart focus is. For one who is a believer, the focus should be on the Lord Jesus Christ. Sometimes events arise in our life to cause a momentary shift in focus, but when we become aware of the shift, we choose to redirect our focus to the Lord Jesus. Check out the Focus of Your Heart.
Did you ever stop to think why one dates anyway? Chris, a high school sophomore, said the most obvious thing to me when he said "To be around girls." Chris had a point, but I think there are more logical reasons and maybe a principle or two thrown in to make the chase exciting. Let's think about some of the reasons you or I might date.
The true purpose in dating is to become one SPIRITUALLY with the one you are with. (Gothard,183) Actually the reasons for dating are much more SPIRITUAL than they are PHYSICAL. When Spiritual oneness is achieved, there is a greater love for God, a renewed love for His word, and a deeper desire to share the love of Christ with others. Dating should present opportunities for both of you to grow in each of these areas.
These four statements may come as a surprise to you, but before you write them off as coming from someone over the hill, let's discuss them and see if they make any sense. There is always the slim possibility they will.
The first reason one dates is to learn how to get along socially. That includes Chris' statement about being with girls. This is a valid reason to date - to be with a person of the opposite sex, to learn to get along, to socialize if you will. The process of learning to be comfortable around a person of the opposite sex is a topic fit for a book all by itself. We'll touch on some of the major points as we progress through this one. Also, in this area, I want to mention that another aspect of dating is to learn how to respond to your date. That seems simple, until you go on a date and suddenly you are in the presence of a real live person of the opposite sex. Now what do you do and what do you say and why are those butterflies still playing ping pong with the tranquilizer you took before you left home (a little humor to see if you are paying attention to what you are reading. - OK, very little humor). Socialization is one of the main reasons we embark on the dating adventure.
A second reason to date is to develop your personality. As you see and admire certain character traits in others, you need a laboratory to incorporate those traits into your own personality. The dating adventure is a perfect place to begin to enhance your personality and you get instant feedback, whether you want it or not. Your date will definitely let you know if you are making any progress along the personality development lines or if you are back to the starting block again. At any rate, this method of growth, this maturation procedure, this process of developing your personality in various situations and in dealing with a host of attitudes in other people is an important part of growing up.
A third reason to date is that it is an opportunity for you and your date to grow in Christ. This is extremely important. All living things grow, if you are alive in Christ, then you should be growing. God sometimes uses the most unusual situations and circumstances to teach you things that He wants you to know. Dating is a situation and a circumstance that God often chooses to use to teach you things about yourself. Be aware of the presence of God and listen to the Holy Spirit's voice and you will be amazed at what you can learn about yourself on a date.
Spiritual oneness is achieved as both of you individually seek to get as close to God as possible. As each partner develops his personal relationship with God and sees that relationship deepen, then deeper fellowship is possible between the two of you and the ability for deeper communication opens up, and suddenly dating is on a brand new plane and a whole lot more fun. When physical relationships are developed before the Spiritual, a sense of guilt develops and communication diminishes, and the date time becomes a real drag. God's way really is the best way.
Fourthly, the reason that most of you thought should be first, is to help in finding a mate - that special someone with whom you decide you want to share the rest of your life. It is an amazing, but little known fact that you will eventually marry one of the people you date. Think about that the next time you ask or are asked out. Do you really want to share your life with that creep? ...oops, person?
Over the years, I have developed a list of at least 20 possible reasons to date. Some are humorous. Some are serious. This list is not intended to be exhaustive or complete. Evaluate each one to see if it fits the real reason for dating - to achieve Spiritual oneness.
Now that you have looked at some purposes of dating, take some time to examine the Focus of Your Heart. Is your focus on the Lord Jesus or is it on being "in" with a particular group or person. Is it on Him or popularity. Is your reason for dating selfish or a genuine desire to follow and obey the Lord Jesus in all things. Really now, where is the Focus of Your Heart?
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